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student life

Admitted Student Already Planning On Skipping Lectures

March 24, 2025 Dana Badii 0

SAN JOSE — After getting accepted to UCLA’s Class of 2029, one high schooler already had his mind set on skipping lectures as soon as […]

Opinion: Each Study Buddy Should Count As A Body

March 17, 2025 Amanda Baquir 0

Having a study buddy is so intimate. You see, I have one, and we have this transactional arrangement where we meet late at night in […]

STEM Major Still Has To Google Unit Circle

March 13, 2025 Maggie Kwan 0

WESTWOOD — Third-year Applied Mathematics major William L’Hopital recently made sine waves last Friday when he was seen googling the unit circle in his upper-division […]

Opinion: Stop Asking To Switch Out Of Your Friday 8AM, Everyone Else Is Hungover Too

January 15, 2025 Olivia Maes 0

The start of the quarter is rough for all of us, let’s admit it. An end to a seemingly endless interlude from reality, our first […]

Sexy Randy

New Religion Course Taught by Boy Who Experienced Empathy For First Time After Shroom Trip

November 12, 2024 Sandall Tobias 0

WESTWOOD — After tripping balls at a Phish concert and realizing other people have feelings, fifth-year general studies major, Gunner Helloden, was offered a tenure-track […]

Mall cop

Paul Blart’s Brutal Body Cam Footage Finally Declassified

June 12, 2024 Tatiana Davidson 0

WASHINGTON, D.C. — On Friday, the United States Department of Justice finally declassified Paul Blart’s body cam footage following years of litigation. “Our buddy Paul […]

Opinion: Final Exams Are Biased Against People With Tiny Bladders And Rectums

June 10, 2024 Harry Song 0

Yes, I’m a human. Yes, I pee and poo and shit and even fart. So why is this being held against me when it comes […]

Sad woman at party

Opinion: Stop Inviting Me To “Senior Send Offs”; I Feel Like I’m Being Put Down

June 5, 2024 Sam Haines 0

Alabamian Initiates Dorm Floorcest Movement In The Name Of Culture

May 29, 2024 Anonymous 0

WESTWOOD — First-year Alabamian and psychology major Cous N. Louver has sparked controversy for introducing a new trend among his peers: floorcest. “My entangled family […]

Generous UCLA Admin Gives Week Off For Students To Process Drake-Kendrick Feud

May 8, 2024 Maya Chatrathi 0

WESTWOOD — In a move that exemplifies the generosity and kindness they are known for, the UCLA administration announced on Monday that they would give […]

Posts pagination

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  • Sad: UCLA 2025 Alum Still Roaming Campus

  • Top Five Father’s Day Gifts For A Dad Who Doesn’t Golf Or Grill Or Fish Or Camp Or Mow The Lawn

    Happy Father’s Day! Fortunately for you, your dad isn’t one of those basic losers who actually gets out of the house and does something on […]

  • Pros And Cons Of Texting Your Hometown Situationship Right Before Summer Vacation

    Summer is nigh. The end of finals is in sight, and unless you were lucky enough to get accepted into some fancy internship in Palo […]

  • Blue and yellow UCLA-themed vibrators at the Hilltop shop

    Anxious For Finals? Hilltop Shop Releases UCLA Vibrators

    WESTWOOD — In light of test-taking jitters, the Hilltop Shop has released UCLA-themed vibrators ahead of finals. “I really wanted to buy the Blue Bullet […]

  • Naked guy at the UCLA undie run

    Trend Watch: Going Commando At Undie Run

    Enough is enough. Every time the UV level is a 7, everybody and their mother is out getting sunburnt on Janss in a bikini top. […]

Featured Authors

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Georgia McNeill
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Sam Rusk
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