Opinion: Too Bad, AFSCME! We Are Spending Five Million Dollars On A New Quarterback
Dear Bruin Community: At UCLA, promoting the well-being of the Bruin family is our top priority. As your Chancellor, I do all kinds of […]
sports
Historic UCLA Rugby Hazing Ritual Ruined By Guy Who Just Loves To Drink Piss
WESTWOOD — UCLA’s rugby team has been forced to brainstorm new “bonding activities” for potential new members after, to their horror, one student seemed a […]
UCLA Football Salvages Season With Win Over Brentwood Elementary Pee-Wee Football Team
ROSE BOWL — UCLA Football ended its season on a positive note following their late fourth-quarter comeback against the Brentwood Elementary Pee-Wee Football Team. “What […]
Breaking: UCLA Has A Women’s Basketball Team, Too!
WESTWOOD — Undercover journalists for the Daily Bruin’s sports desk have unearthed information suggesting that UCLA has a women’s basketball team that also wins games […]
Skater Decides Walking Would Have Looked Way Cooler Than Wiping Out On Bruin Walk
WESTWOOD — After wiping out on Bruin Walk, skater Ken Bone decided he would have looked a lot cooler if he had walked instead. “At […]
Point: Let’s Watch This Baseball Game on T.V. / Counterpoint: Let’s Fucking Not
P: Let’s Watch This Baseball Game on TV. By: Dylan Wood Baseball is such a fun sport. I know it takes four hours, but it’s […]
Tom Brady Does Football Good
TAMPA, FL — After emerging victorious in this year’s Super Bowl, it has become apparent to the sports world that Tom Brady does football really […]
NFL Plans To Quarantine COVID Positive Players In Team Facilities
NEW YORK — In a statement on Monday, National Football League Commissioner Roger Goodell announced new COVID-19 protocols in the aftermath of increased coronavirus cases […]
BREAKING: Chip Kelly to Retire After One Game Winning Streak
WESTWOOD — After a grueling 46 day-long career, UCLA Head Football Coach Chip Kelly has announced his retirement. “Hey, me and the boys had a […]