sports
Breaking: UCLA Has A Women’s Basketball Team, Too!
WESTWOOD — Undercover journalists for the Daily Bruin’s sports desk have unearthed information suggesting that UCLA has a women’s basketball team that also wins games […]
Skater Decides Walking Would Have Looked Way Cooler Than Wiping Out On Bruin Walk
WESTWOOD — After wiping out on Bruin Walk, skater Ken Bone decided he would have looked a lot cooler if he had walked instead. “At […]
Point: Let’s Watch This Baseball Game on T.V. / Counterpoint: Let’s Fucking Not
P: Let’s Watch This Baseball Game on TV. By: Dylan Wood Baseball is such a fun sport. I know it takes four hours, but it’s […]
Tom Brady Does Football Good
TAMPA, FL — After emerging victorious in this year’s Super Bowl, it has become apparent to the sports world that Tom Brady does football really […]
NFL Plans To Quarantine COVID Positive Players In Team Facilities
NEW YORK — In a statement on Monday, National Football League Commissioner Roger Goodell announced new COVID-19 protocols in the aftermath of increased coronavirus cases […]
BREAKING: Chip Kelly to Retire After One Game Winning Streak
WESTWOOD — After a grueling 46 day-long career, UCLA Head Football Coach Chip Kelly has announced his retirement. “Hey, me and the boys had a […]
Former UCLA Econ Major Forced To Settle For Entry-Level Job With Poor Health Benefits
PHOENIX, AZ — The Enabler recently did a profile on former UCLA economics student Joshua Rosen, who had decided to drop out of UCLA. Unfortunately, […]
Promising Economics Student Sadly Drops Out of UCLA
WESTWOOD — On Wednesday, the UCLA community was saddened when prominent economics student Joshua Rosen decided to take leave from the university. “We wish Mr. […]