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israel

Sorry! Biden And Netanyahu Made Pinky Promise To Destroy Palestine As Little Pennsylvanian Boys

October 14, 2024 Azalea Morris 0

Washington, D.C. — With or without a ceasefire deal, Benjamin Netanyahu has promised to continue to rain hellfire upon Palestinians, due to a binding pinky […]

Biden Administration Demands Ceasefire In Gaza: “But It’s Chill If Not No Worries”

March 13, 2024 Anonymous 0

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Following an announcement from Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu that the attack on Rafah would proceed despite international pressure, the Biden administration […]

President Biden holding lipstick and wearing lipstick.

Joe Biden Pledges To Give Every IDF Soldier A Kiss On The Lips

November 29, 2023 Anonymous 0

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Following increasing calls for a ceasefire since the start of the Israel-Palestine conflict, Joe Biden has declared that he will personally go […]

BREAKING NEWS:

June 14, 2019 Jack Lyons 0

Please continue to check The Westwood Enabler for updates.

YRL Mountain Lion Diverts Attention From Powell Cat

April 2, 2019 Carl Hatch 0

WESTWOOD — After a mountain lion was noticed taking residence in the bushes adjacent to Young Research Library (YRL), many students have taken to the […]

Bruins For Israel Pretty Quiet This Week

May 14, 2018 Jack Lyons 0

WESTWOOD — UCLA students noted that the campus group Bruins For Israel has been pretty quiet this week following the killing of more than 60 […]

Western Wall Grabbed By the Crevice

May 22, 2017 Nathan Glovinsky 0

JERUSALEM — On May 22, one of the holiest sites of the Abrahamic religions was allegedly accosted by a visiting tourist with incredibly small hands. […]

Arab-Israeli Conflict Resolved In YouTube Comment Section

January 24, 2016 Tucker Moses-Hanson 0

PALESTINE ISRAEL MIDDLE EAST—Commenting on a Youtube video entitled “Best Potato Kugel Recipe,” vocal members of the internet came together last Tuesday to definitively resolve […]

  • Man standing in a mirror maze, pointing to reflections of himself. He looks very bewildered.

    Other Idiots in Mirror Maze Going The Wrong Way

    HELL — Following a trip to the local mirror maze, resident genius Leon Noel scoffed at all the morons in there going the wrong direction. […]

  • Julio Frenk’s “Listening Exercise” Is Cuck Play Where He Listens To Me And My Lover Through The Door

    Dear Bruin Community: Since Julio began his listening exercise in February, I have met with 29 men and women, and more than 5,000 non-binary baristas, […]

  • Idiot Moron Claps At Poetry Reading

    WESTWOOD — This morning, fourth-year American literature and culture major Emily Yonicson humiliated herself and her family as she clapped, not snapped, at a local […]

  • Heartbreaking! Invisible Lesbian Unable To Celebrate Lesbian Visibility Week

    WESTWOOD — After attempting to participate in the LGBTQ Campus Resource Center’s event for Lesbian Visibility Week, one lesbian was deeply disappointed by the center’s […]

  • “Sperm Racing” Event to Take Place in Communal Bathroom Shower Stall

Featured Authors

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Gabe McNeill
  • Opinion: They Should Let The New Pope Have Gay Sex Once So He Can See If It Should Still Be Banned Or Not
  • Other Idiots in Mirror Maze Going The Wrong Way
  • Report: Straightest Woman You Know Won’t Stop Calling Boyfriend “Fruity”
Sam Rusk
  • Ashe Center To Offer Gender Affirming Computer Science Degrees
  • Local Centaur Divided Hot Dog Style
  • Time Flies: 2005 Baby Officially Queer Elder

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