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International

Breaking: Every Celebrity Has Now Appeared On Every Other Celebrity’s Podcast, Lifting The Curse And Freeing Us All

April 29, 2024 Maya Chatrathi 0

LOS ANGELES — In a development that is sure to bring about nationwide revelry, every single celebrity has now appeared on every other celebrity’s podcast, […]

Vacationing Asshole Wears Only UCLA-Branded Clothes

January 3, 2024 Tyler Neufeld 0

THE CARIBBEAN SEA — Passengers aboard their Christmas Cruise have complained about fifth-year political science major Braeodean Sho-Woff and his exorbitant UCLA-branded outfits, which include […]

Report! Stonehenge Only Epic Thing White People Have Ever Done

May 26, 2022 Bella Dunham 0

UNITED KINGDOM — A new report out of Exeter University claims to have proven that Stonehenge is the only epic thing to ever be done […]

Archaeologists Discover First Woman To Ever Put “Future Milf” In Her Tinder Bio

May 12, 2022 Blue Flood 0

WESTWOOD — A team of UCLA archaeologists announced Monday that, after years of digging, they have uncovered the first woman to ever write “future milf” […]

BREAKING: There Are Bugs Under Your Skin

May 5, 2022 Enabler Staff 0

WESTWOOD — The voices were right, there are bugs under your skin. “The colony of ants under your epidermis has been ignored for far too […]

‘Just Kidding!’: Leading Climate Scientists Reveal Their Funny Little Prank

April 28, 2022 Tatiana Davidson 0

NEW YORK — The world’s leading climate scientists gathered Tuesday to announce the culmination of their prank, known formally as the “Climate Crisis.” “Honestly we […]

Uh Oh! The Mormons Won The Religion Lottery And Everyone Else Is Getting Waterboarded By Satan

January 20, 2022 Brandon Wang 0

SALT LAKE CITY — Making His first public appearance in millennia, God announced Sunday that the Mormons had won the religion lottery for eternal bliss, […]

Heartwarming! This Man Wakes Up Every Morning And Finds Out He’s President

December 23, 2021 Brandon Wang 0

WASHINGTON, DC — In what can only be described as a heartwarming break from the nation’s political drama, sources confirmed Monday that every morning Joe […]

Congress Declares Nuclear War On Climate Change

December 20, 2021 Brandon Wang 0

WASHINGTON — In an unprecedented bipartisan move, both the Senate and the House of Representatives unanimously voted Wednesday in favor of declaring nuclear war against […]

Default Browser Somehow Bing Again

August 24, 2019 Nathan Grovhoug 0

WESTWOOD — After attempting to Google-search “Game of Thrones Season 8 Finale Free Streaming 1080p,” second-year biology major Serena Tambor discovered her default browser had […]

Posts pagination

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  • Local Pizza Delivery Boy Shocked At Scantily-Clad Customer’s Lack of Money

    RANCHO MURIETA — A local pizza delivery boy faced a shock last night when he delivered to a scantily-clad woman who didn’t have the funds […]

  • UCPD Enlists California Highway Patrol to Boost Middling Police Violence Rates

    WESTWOOD — Following weeks of peace and safety on campus, UCPD has announced a partnership with the California Highway Patrol in an attempt to restore […]

  • Opinion: To Solve UCLA’s Financial Challenges, We Must Invest More Money Into Israel

    Hey guys. Westwood Enabler opinion writer Oiluj Knerf here. I’m a UCLA student just like you! I love my friends, I love my classes, and […]

  • UCLA Administration Goes On Strike to Protest AFSCME

    WESTWOOD — This past week, UCLA administration has bravely taken to the streets to protest the injustices committed by the “pesky” AFSCME labor union. “It’s […]

  • Winter Quarter Offers Every Goddamn Class But The Ones You Need For Your Degree

    WESTWOOD — UCLA recently announced a bold new plan to offer every single class for Winter 2026– except for the ones you need to graduate […]

Featured Authors

Grace McIntyre
  • UCLA Opens “B-ruining Lives” Resource Center For Student Anti-Wellbeing
  • Opinion: If You A Stressed Baddie Who Procrastinated Before Canvas Went Down, This One’s For You
  • A Letter To Prospective Student Tour Groups: I’m Better Than You
Zach Fischer
  • Backpacking Club Announces Trip To Public Affairs Building
  • UCLA Administration Goes On Strike to Protest AFSCME
  • Economists Worried As Daylight Savings Runs Out

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