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Hair

Uh-oh! You Did Your Makeup So Weird The Nice Girls Are Complimenting Your Unstyled Hair Instead

February 24, 2023 Melissa Beining 0

WESTWOOD — Reporting live from a packed Roebling backyard, the Enabler can confirm you did your makeup so weird that the nice girls are complimenting […]

Religious Scholars Discover Jesus Had a Balayage

June 23, 2022 Tatiana Davidson 0

VATICAN CITY — On Monday morning, the world’s leading religious scholars announced that Jesus actually had a balayage, contrary to their earlier reports that he […]

  • Vampire Draws Line At Period Sex

    WESTWOOD — Local bloodsucker and thousandth-year religion student Vlad Cullen was seen insisting to his suitors he was down for almost anything in the bedroom, […]

  • Companies Are Desperate For Spring Interns: Just Not You, Specifically

    WESTWOOD — Companies are searching far and wide for driven UCLA students to help out over the spring, just not you. Yeah, you. Reading this […]

  • De Neve Oyster Night Ends As Expected

    WESTWOOD — Last Tuesday night, what was supposed to be a celebratory evening with unlimited raw bivalves at the least refined dining hall ended in […]

  • See You Later, Boy: Skater Boys Replaced By “Scooter Boys”

    WESTWOOD — Folks all across campus have been saying “see you later, boy” to the skater boy, and hello to the scooter boy, who has […]

  • Math Professor Doesn’t Know That Half Of Ten Weeks Is Five Weeks

    WESTWOOD — This week, local math professor Dr. Ivil has come under fire after scheduling a midterm for Week 4, a week that is definitively […]

Featured Authors

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Georgia McNeill
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