UCLA Employs Team of Sherpas to Assist Students Up The Hill
WESTWOOD — In response to student complaints about accessibility issues, UCLA has hired a team of Sherpas to assist struggling students up The Hill. “In […]
Gene Block
Gene Block Declares Victory In Iowa
DES MOINES — In the midst of the confusion surrounding the Iowa Democratic presidential caucus’ final results, UCLA chancellor and full-time heartthrob Gene Block has […]
South Campus Closed After Inverted Fountain Demands Human Sacrifice
WESTWOOD — Last Friday evening, several students reported that the inverted fountain was ceaselessly echoing an ominous incantation. Local fraternity member, Chet Charles, noticed it […]
Gene Block Outbids Trump, Buys Greenland
NUUK, GREENLAND — In an unexpected turn of events, Chancellor Gene Block outbid President Trump in the competitive and closely-watched sale of Greenland. “In many […]
UN Classifies One Floor Elevator Rides As War Crime
WESTWOOD — This afternoon, the UN passed a resolution to reclassify one-floor elevator trips from a low-level faux pas to a fully fledged war crime. […]
BREAKING: Gene Block Spotted At Rocco’s
WESTWOOD — Esteemed UCLA Chancellor Gene D. Block was spotted at popular Westwood bar Rocco’s this past Thursday night, imbibing and dancing among the Bruin community […]
Op-Ed: If I Wear Jeans, You Must Call Me Jeans Block
To the Campus Community: On Monday morning, I substituted my normal chancellorial slacks for a pair of comfortable, stylish, denim jeans. Yet for the entire […]
Gene Block To Hand Out Single Hershey’s Kiss On Halloween
WESTWOOD — In a memo to UCLA and the greater Westwood communities this past week, UCLA Chancellor Gene Block announced that he will set aside […]
Benevolent Overlord Gene D. Block Graciously Allows Students His Precious Time
WESTWOOD – Chancellor Gene D. Block, Benevolent Overlord of UCLA, has graciously offered one hour of His precious time to students on Monday, May 18. […]