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Gene Block

Alabamian Initiates Dorm Floorcest Movement In The Name Of Culture

May 29, 2024 Anonymous 0

WESTWOOD — First-year Alabamian and psychology major Cous N. Louver has sparked controversy for introducing a new trend among his peers: floorcest. “My entangled family […]

Gene Block One Well-Worded Email Away From World Peace

May 20, 2024 Georgia McNeill 0

WESTWOOD — After sending multiple emails about the current “conflicts” happening both on campus and internationally, Gene Block is reportedly just one well-worded email away […]

UCLA To Investigate What UCLA Ordered UCPD To Do

May 17, 2024 Tatiana Davidson 0

WESTWOOD — On Monday morning, Chancellor Gene Block announced UCLA’s investigation into what UCLA ordered UCPD to do to UCLA student protestors on UCLA’s campus. […]

Generous UCLA Admin Gives Week Off For Students To Process Drake-Kendrick Feud

May 8, 2024 Maya Chatrathi 0

WESTWOOD — In a move that exemplifies the generosity and kindness they are known for, the UCLA administration announced on Monday that they would give […]

Gene Block’s Balls Chafe From Fence-Sitting

May 1, 2024 Enabler Staff 0

WESTWOOD — In a campus-wide press release, Gene Block, notoriously radical centrist, announced that his balls are chafing from his rampant fence-sitting. “While this unauthorized, […]

Throwing Up In Class And Four Other Trends That Have Majorly Fallen Off

April 24, 2024 Adam Nadifi 0

Reminiscing on trends that used to be all the rage but haven’t gotten a lot of attention lately? The Westwood Enabler has you covered. These […]

Boelter Scientists Announce Creation Of Slowest Elevator Possible

February 19, 2024 Georgia McNeill 0

WESTWOOD — During a press conference late Thursday evening, a team of scientists from Boelter Hall announced that they had created the slowest elevator possible. […]

candle burning in darkness

Westwood Resident Forced To Use Candle For Non-BDSM Reasons

February 7, 2024 Aidan Brooks 0

WESTWOOD — Due to a power outage, a Westwood resident was forced to use a candle as a light source rather than for its primary […]

Gene block in fisherman's garb on a small wooden boat

Gene Block Gathering Two Of Each Major For Ark

February 5, 2024 Maya Chatrathi 0

WESTWOOD — Following the historic rains and flood warnings in Los Angeles, it was reported late Sunday night that UCLA chancellor Gene Block has begun […]

Vegan’s ‘Ethical Diet’ Sourced Exclusively Through Child Labor

January 31, 2024 Sabrina Ellis 0

WESTWOOD — Local vegan Polly Mitchell shared her advice Tuesday on how to live a more ethical lifestyle through her sustainable snacks produced by children […]

Posts pagination

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  • Sad: UCLA 2025 Alum Still Roaming Campus

  • Top Five Father’s Day Gifts For A Dad Who Doesn’t Golf Or Grill Or Fish Or Camp Or Mow The Lawn

    Happy Father’s Day! Fortunately for you, your dad isn’t one of those basic losers who actually gets out of the house and does something on […]

  • Pros And Cons Of Texting Your Hometown Situationship Right Before Summer Vacation

    Summer is nigh. The end of finals is in sight, and unless you were lucky enough to get accepted into some fancy internship in Palo […]

  • Blue and yellow UCLA-themed vibrators at the Hilltop shop

    Anxious For Finals? Hilltop Shop Releases UCLA Vibrators

    WESTWOOD — In light of test-taking jitters, the Hilltop Shop has released UCLA-themed vibrators ahead of finals. “I really wanted to buy the Blue Bullet […]

  • Naked guy at the UCLA undie run

    Trend Watch: Going Commando At Undie Run

    Enough is enough. Every time the UV level is a 7, everybody and their mother is out getting sunburnt on Janss in a bikini top. […]

Featured Authors

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Georgia McNeill
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