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Gene Block

Alabamian Initiates Dorm Floorcest Movement In The Name Of Culture

May 29, 2024 Anonymous 0

WESTWOOD — First-year Alabamian and psychology major Cous N. Louver has sparked controversy for introducing a new trend among his peers: floorcest. “My entangled family […]

Gene Block One Well-Worded Email Away From World Peace

May 20, 2024 Gabe McNeill 0

WESTWOOD — After sending multiple emails about the current “conflicts” happening both on campus and internationally, Gene Block is reportedly just one well-worded email away […]

UCLA To Investigate What UCLA Ordered UCPD To Do

May 17, 2024 Tatiana Davidson 0

WESTWOOD — On Monday morning, Chancellor Gene Block announced UCLA’s investigation into what UCLA ordered UCPD to do to UCLA student protestors on UCLA’s campus. […]

Generous UCLA Admin Gives Week Off For Students To Process Drake-Kendrick Feud

May 8, 2024 Maya Chatrathi 0

WESTWOOD — In a move that exemplifies the generosity and kindness they are known for, the UCLA administration announced on Monday that they would give […]

Gene Block’s Balls Chafe From Fence-Sitting

May 1, 2024 Milo Ellison 0

WESTWOOD — In a campus-wide press release, Gene Block, notoriously radical centrist, announced that his balls are chafing from his rampant fence-sitting. “While this unauthorized, […]

Throwing Up In Class And Four Other Trends That Have Majorly Fallen Off

April 24, 2024 Adam Nadifi 0

Reminiscing on trends that used to be all the rage but haven’t gotten a lot of attention lately? The Westwood Enabler has you covered. These […]

Boelter Scientists Announce Creation Of Slowest Elevator Possible

February 19, 2024 Gabe McNeill 0

WESTWOOD — During a press conference late Thursday evening, a team of scientists from Boelter Hall announced that they had created the slowest elevator possible. […]

candle burning in darkness

Westwood Resident Forced To Use Candle For Non-BDSM Reasons

February 7, 2024 Aidan Brooks 0

WESTWOOD — Due to a power outage, a Westwood resident was forced to use a candle as a light source rather than for its primary […]

Gene block in fisherman's garb on a small wooden boat

Gene Block Gathering Two Of Each Major For Ark

February 5, 2024 Maya Chatrathi 0

WESTWOOD — Following the historic rains and flood warnings in Los Angeles, it was reported late Sunday night that UCLA chancellor Gene Block has begun […]

Vegan’s ‘Ethical Diet’ Sourced Exclusively Through Child Labor

January 31, 2024 Sabrina Ellis 0

WESTWOOD — Local vegan Polly Mitchell shared her advice Tuesday on how to live a more ethical lifestyle through her sustainable snacks produced by children […]

Posts pagination

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  • A white boy and Asian girl standing outside Marugame Udon

    White Boy With Asian Girlfriend Too Excited To Celebrate AAPI Month

    WESTWOOD — After making yet another joke about “sucking balls” while ordering boba, first-year Global Studies major Brayden Smith made an Instagram post where he […]

  • Embarrassing! Student Doesn’t Have Outfit For Victorian French Gothic Hyperpop Themed Fundrager

    WESTWOOD — This weekend, civil engineering freshman James Baeseck was humiliated as he failed to show up in theme to the unsustainable fashion club’s Victorian […]

  • Report: Never Trust How You Feel About Your Life From 12AM To 11:59PM

    WESTWOOD — A new study from UCLA’s Student Anxiety and Depression (SAD) laboratory recommends to never trust anything you think about your life from 12:00 […]

  • Secretary of Defense Announces That Only The “Boy Lesbians” Will Be Eligible for Future Drafts

    WASHINGTON, D.C. — Commenting on the draft eligibility of American women, Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth announced that only the “boy lesbians” would be eligible. […]

  • Opinion: The Ackerman Third Floor Gay Cruising Space Should Be A Designated Cultural Heritage Site

    Dear Julio Frenk, UCLA has been under a lot of controversy lately. The encampments and the mob attack on them, the cops everywhere, deportations, budget […]

Featured Authors

mm
Gabe McNeill
  • Opinion: No, I Will Not Pie You On Bruinwalk, Please Don’t Involve Me In Your Fetishes
  • Opinion: The Ackerman Third Floor Gay Cruising Space Should Be A Designated Cultural Heritage Site
  • Five Reasons Why I Didn’t Ruin The Vibe By Throwing Up In De Neve
Sam Rusk
  • Ashe Center To Offer Gender Affirming Computer Science Degrees
  • Local Centaur Divided Hot Dog Style
  • Time Flies: 2005 Baby Officially Queer Elder

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