Opinion: Final Exams Are Biased Against People With Tiny Bladders And Rectums
Yes, I’m a human. Yes, I pee and poo and shit and even fart. So why is this being held against me when it comes […]
freshmen
Alabamian Initiates Dorm Floorcest Movement In The Name Of Culture
WESTWOOD — First-year Alabamian and psychology major Cous N. Louver has sparked controversy for introducing a new trend among his peers: floorcest. “My entangled family […]
Throwing Up In Class And Four Other Trends That Have Majorly Fallen Off
Reminiscing on trends that used to be all the rage but haven’t gotten a lot of attention lately? The Westwood Enabler has you covered. These […]
De Neve Late Night Reopens With Mandatory Breathalyzer Test
WESTWOOD — Beloved dining hall De Neve is set to reopen its Late Night menu with more pizza, flatter soda, and a lot less fun […]
REPORT: The People In Line At Kerckhoff Definitely Want To Hear About Your Sex Life
WESTWOOD — A survey conducted by the Daily Bruin concluded that the patrons of the historic Kerckhoff Coffee House definitely want to learn all the […]
Historic UCLA Rugby Hazing Ritual Ruined By Guy Who Just Loves To Drink Piss
WESTWOOD — UCLA’s rugby team has been forced to brainstorm new “bonding activities” for potential new members after, to their horror, one student seemed a […]
Vacationing Asshole Wears Only UCLA-Branded Clothes
THE CARIBBEAN SEA — Passengers aboard their Christmas Cruise have complained about fifth-year political science major Braeodean Sho-Woff and his exorbitant UCLA-branded outfits, which include […]
Record Label Signs Hedrick Hall Shower Singer
LA LA LAND — After a scramble for one of the most sought-after, up-and-coming artists, We The Best Music Group has secured a lucrative deal […]
The Westwood Enabler’s Advice For Freshmen
It’s Bruin Day, and campus is filled with prospective students considering their future at UCLA. If you do decide to go blue and gold, here […]
Touring High Schooler Looks Like A Better Fit For Berkeley
WESTWOOD — A high school student touring the UCLA campus looks like they would be a better fit for second-rate UC Berkeley. “Usually when I’m […]