Anxious For Finals? Hilltop Shop Releases UCLA Vibrators
WESTWOOD — In light of test-taking jitters, the Hilltop Shop has released UCLA-themed vibrators ahead of finals. “I really wanted to buy the Blue Bullet […]
finals
Top Five Easiest Felonies To Get Your Finals Cancelled
Uh oh. Finals are already here, and despite saying you were going to “lock in next week” for the past nine weeks, you haven’t a […]
Opinion: Each Study Buddy Should Count As A Body
Having a study buddy is so intimate. You see, I have one, and we have this transactional arrangement where we meet late at night in […]
North Campus Students Enjoy First Week of Summer
WESTWOOD — UCLA students majoring in the humanities and social sciences have reportedly been enjoying their first week of summer, which as far as they […]
Tasing Yourself In The Hamstring, And Other Bad Study Habits To Get Rid Of Before Finals
Finals are coming up, and there are so many terrible ways to study. To help you become the best version of yourself for finals season, […]
Op-Ed: Jesus Christ, My Heel Hurts So Much
I went to the doctor the other day. I had been having stabbing pains in my heel for well over a decade. My wife, John […]
Students Vow To Start Procrastinating Earlier In Quarter
WESTWOOD – After an academically disappointing quarter, a group of second-year UCLA students has resolved to start procrastinating earlier next quarter. “Normally I don’t feel guilty […]
Procrastinating Sophomore Estimates He’s Only Got About An Hour Left To Play 2048
WESTWOOD—Saying “no worries, I got this,” second year Michael Hess reportedly reckons that he only has about an hour left to kill before he “really […]