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Epicuria

Opinion: Hinge Isn’t Working. It’s Time To Start Fucking My Friends

June 3, 2024 Gabe McNeill 0

Dating apps are difficult. Yeah, I said it. “Heyyyyy haha! I also like cats! Lolz!” “WYD” “Taking a shower? Without me?” And I get nothing. […]

Epic Urea? My Pee Is Super Yellow

November 11, 2023 Azalea Morris 0

Opinion: I’ve Been Wandering Around Epicuria For 10 Weeks With No Empty Tables In Sight

March 4, 2023 Dana Badii 0

How many days has it been? 3? 7? 70? I’ve been pacing around the ravioli, tiramisu, and ricotta. Back and forth, back and forth, back […]

Geezer Alert! This UCLA Student Just Said “Covel” Instead Of “Epicuria”

June 11, 2022 Hanna Barlow 0

WESTWOOD RETIREMENT HOME — Alleged UCLA student Trevor Child unintentionally revealed his true, prehistoric identity this week when he used the antiquated term “Covel” instead […]

  • Man standing in a mirror maze, pointing to reflections of himself. He looks very bewildered.

    Other Idiots in Mirror Maze Going The Wrong Way

    HELL — Following a trip to the local mirror maze, resident genius Leon Noel scoffed at all the morons in there going the wrong direction. […]

  • Julio Frenk’s “Listening Exercise” Is Cuck Play Where He Listens To Me And My Lover Through The Door

    Dear Bruin Community: Since Julio began his listening exercise in February, I have met with 29 men and women, and more than 5,000 non-binary baristas, […]

  • Idiot Moron Claps At Poetry Reading

    WESTWOOD — This morning, fourth-year American literature and culture major Emily Yonicson humiliated herself and her family as she clapped, not snapped, at a local […]

  • Heartbreaking! Invisible Lesbian Unable To Celebrate Lesbian Visibility Week

    WESTWOOD — After attempting to participate in the LGBTQ Campus Resource Center’s event for Lesbian Visibility Week, one lesbian was deeply disappointed by the center’s […]

  • “Sperm Racing” Event to Take Place in Communal Bathroom Shower Stall

Featured Authors

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Gabe McNeill
  • Opinion: They Should Let The New Pope Have Gay Sex Once So He Can See If It Should Still Be Banned Or Not
  • Other Idiots in Mirror Maze Going The Wrong Way
  • Report: Straightest Woman You Know Won’t Stop Calling Boyfriend “Fruity”
Sam Rusk
  • Ashe Center To Offer Gender Affirming Computer Science Degrees
  • Local Centaur Divided Hot Dog Style
  • Time Flies: 2005 Baby Officially Queer Elder

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