The Westwood Enabler
  • Home
  • News
    • Campus
    • National
    • International
  • Opinion
    • Point/Counterpoint
  • Listicle
  • A&E
    • Arts
    • Celebrities
    • Culture
    • Trend Watch
  • Sports
  • Life
    • Roommates
  • Graphics
    • News In Pictures
    • Infographics
  • About
    • Staff
    • Join
    • Contact
  • Store

election

Great Depression Preemptively Named “World Depression One”

April 4, 2025 Shayne Sweet 0

WASHINGTON, D.C. – This morning, The White House announced via executive order the official renaming of The Great Depression to “World Depression One.” “It’s important […]

Gift Of Prophecy? Californians Glad They Voted To Keep Inmate Firefighters Enslaved

January 10, 2025 Rachana Aithal 0

CALIFORNIA — As Southern California wildfires stretch non-incarcerated fire crews thin, Democrats and Republicans alike are applauding their foresight in voting against Proposition 6, which would […]

Democrat Who Confused Tuesday And Thursday Cost Kamala Harris The Election

November 7, 2024 Jared Reed 0

Swing Voter Reports: Wheeee!

November 5, 2024 Shayne Sweet 0
Mall cop

Paul Blart’s Brutal Body Cam Footage Finally Declassified

June 12, 2024 Tatiana Davidson 0

WASHINGTON, D.C. — On Friday, the United States Department of Justice finally declassified Paul Blart’s body cam footage following years of litigation. “Our buddy Paul […]

USAC Candidate Campaigns To Implement The Gold Standard For Meal Swipes

May 16, 2024 Emma Searing 0

WESTWOOD — With upcoming deflation to $4.33 for on-campus meal swipes, USAC Candidate Roger Hardy plans to tackle upcoming swipe deflation with an old-fashioned solution […]

Top 5 Places To Get An Abortion When Your Human Rights Are Treated Like A Luxury

May 3, 2022 Tatiana Davidson 0

Following recent news that the Supreme Court will likely overturn Roe v. Wade, we have curated a list of five places to get an abortion […]

Heartwarming! This Man Wakes Up Every Morning And Finds Out He’s President

December 23, 2021 Brandon Wang 0

WASHINGTON, DC — In what can only be described as a heartwarming break from the nation’s political drama, sources confirmed Monday that every morning Joe […]

Playboy Donates Full Catalog To Trump Presidential Library

February 23, 2021 Dylan Wood 0

BEVERLY HILLS — In a press release sent out this morning, Playboy Enterprises announced that they would be donating their entire back catalog to the […]

COVID Positive Rudy Giuliani Checks Into Walter Reed Hardware Store

December 9, 2020 Dylan Wood 0

WASHINGTON, DC — Following his positive COVID-19 diagnosis, Rudy Giuliani has reportedly checked himself into Walter Reed Hardware Store, a small building supply company located […]

Posts pagination

1 2 3 »

  • UCPD Relapses After Suffering Arrest Withdrawals

    WESTWOOD – Last night, UCPD relapsed in their ongoing addiction to arresting innocent students by violently swarming a movie screening and arresting two attendees. “The […]

  • UCPD Arrests Student For Thinking About Palestine

    WESTWOOD — UCPD officers reported that their week of sitting on their asses at Royce has finally proven useful as they arrested a passerby for […]

  • Man standing in a mirror maze, pointing to reflections of himself. He looks very bewildered.

    Other Idiots in Mirror Maze Going The Wrong Way

    HELL — Following a trip to the local mirror maze, resident genius Leon Noel scoffed at all the morons in there going the wrong direction. […]

  • Julio Frenk’s “Listening Exercise” Is Cuck Play Where He Listens To Me And My Lover Through The Door

    Dear Bruin Community: Since Julio began his listening exercise in February, I have met with 29 men and women, and more than 5,000 non-binary baristas, […]

  • Idiot Moron Claps At Poetry Reading

    WESTWOOD — This morning, fourth-year American literature and culture major Emily Yonicson humiliated herself and her family as she clapped, not snapped, at a local […]

Featured Authors

mm
Gabe McNeill
  • Five Reasons Why I Didn’t Ruin The Vibe By Throwing Up In De Neve
  • Opinion: They Should Let The New Pope Have Gay Sex Once So He Can See If It Should Still Be Banned Or Not
  • Other Idiots in Mirror Maze Going The Wrong Way
Sam Rusk
  • Ashe Center To Offer Gender Affirming Computer Science Degrees
  • Local Centaur Divided Hot Dog Style
  • Time Flies: 2005 Baby Officially Queer Elder

ARCHIVES

RECOMMENDED

  • Health Tip: Swallow Your Zyns

    April 16, 2025 0
  • Straight Basketball Players Unionize After Highest Gay Per Capita WNBA Draft

    April 15, 2025 0
  • Roommates Nationwide Participate in “Never Leave Your Fucking Bed” Challenge

    April 14, 2025 0
  • Admitted freshmen on the Janss Steps for Bruin Day

    Bruin Day Tour Group Throws Peanuts At Students

    April 12, 2025 0
  • OPINION: Useless Sproul Laundry Machines Can’t Even Make Me Cum

    April 11, 2025 0

Copyright © 2025 | WordPress Theme by MH Themes