Icebreaker Questions Cause Melting Of Polar Ice Caps
ANTARCTICA — Scientists announced today that the polar ice caps have completely disappeared in the wake of years of icebreaker questions. “Carbon dioxide emissions cannot […]
climate change
L.A. Zoo Goes Climate Friendly, Announces “Planteater”
LOS ANGELES ZOO— In an attempt to reduce the human (and animal) impact on the climate and focus on sustainable energy, scientists at the Los […]
Complaining About the Rain? Don’t Worry, Climate Change Will Get Rid Of It
WESTWOOD — You’ve been complaining for two months now about the rain we’ve gotten this winter. You’re telling everyone that you’re sick and tired of […]
Ackerman Ice Machine Still Broken To Raise Awareness For Melting Ice Caps
WESTWOOD — After receiving numerous student complaints, UCLA Administration announced that they will not be fixing the Ackerman ice machine to raise awareness for the […]
Opinion: Maybe We Don’t Need The Environment
Last night’s rally had me praying no SC kids were spying on us on campus, because I was embarrassed by how SNOWFLAKE we looked. I […]
‘Just Kidding!’: Leading Climate Scientists Reveal Their Funny Little Prank
NEW YORK — The world’s leading climate scientists gathered Tuesday to announce the culmination of their prank, known formally as the “Climate Crisis.” “Honestly we […]
Congress Declares Nuclear War On Climate Change
WASHINGTON — In an unprecedented bipartisan move, both the Senate and the House of Representatives unanimously voted Wednesday in favor of declaring nuclear war against […]
Op-Ed: Our Carbon Footprints Aren’t As Big As Our Carbon Assprints
To preface this argument, I would just like to acknowledge that I care about society a lot. I do think that the climate is changing […]
Oil Tycoon Promotes Impossible Meat As Best Solution To Global Warming
FORT WORTH, TEXAS — Oil tycoon and aspiring activist, Richard Johnston III, issued a press release Thursday promoting the environment-saving potential of switching to Impossible […]
The Sexiest, I Mean The Smartest Youth Climate Activists
The global movement to adopt greener solutions has been led by sexy children who have fought tooth and nail to prot–I mean, intelligent. The push […]