UC Berkeley Mysteriously Vanishes
BERKELEY — At approximately 4:20 PM, the East Bay was shocked to discover that their beloved campus of UC Berkeley had disappeared. “I’ve never seen […]
Campus
Bruin Day Tour Group Throws Peanuts At Students
WESTWOOD — UCLA Campus Tours announced that as a Bruin Day special, each admitted students tour now comes with a free bag of peanuts for […]
UCLA Offers Permanent Study Abroad Program
WESTWOOD — Today, UCLA’s administration announced its generous offering of a permanent study abroad program for international students. “As this God-chosen nation’s #1 public university, […]
Dorm Resident Hospitalized After Automatic Toilet Flushes Prematurely
WESTWOOD — The sixth-floor communal bathroom of Sproul Cove was struck by tragedy Friday evening after a horrific flush-sensor malfunction in the second stall hospitalized […]
Gazing Upon Your Reflection In Pauley Pavilion And 4 Other Signs You May Be A Narcissist
Mirror mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all? You, of course! If you see yourself in 3 or more of these signs, […]
Communal Bathrooms Now Only Accessible Through Mobile Order
WESTWOOD — With the resounding success of equipping every dining hall with mobile ordering, UCLA Housing is now seeking to digitize communal bathroom use. “We […]
Campus Couple Not Doing Anything Out Of The Ordinary Under That Blanket
WESTWOOD — The UCLA community was relieved to discover yesterday afternoon that the students concealed by a large picnic blanket were just trying to watch […]
UniBud Now Accepting ASUCLA Meal Tickets
WESTWOOD — ASUCLA announced last Sunday that it is partnering with UniBud to bring students all of their kushy needs, now accessible via their student […]
On-Campus Squirrels Now Required To Purchase Meal Plan
WESTWOOD — — UCLA Dining made the controversial decision Monday to require on-campus squirrels to purchase a meal plan. “We make all the other on-campus […]
Speaker On Bruinwalk To Blast “Pre-Med Pre-Health?” Every Ten Seconds
WESTWOOD — This Monday, at the peak of rush hour on Bruinwalk, a speaker programmed to blast “Pre-med? Pre-health?” made its debut in front of […]