Study: Average Person Takes At Least Three Months To Get Over Failed Relationship, Debbie, You Bitch

Yeah, Debbie, you bitch!

WESTWOOD–A new study conducted at UCLA has found that the average person takes at least three months to get over a failed relationship, Debbie, you bitch. “After studying and questioning hundreds of members of recently broken-up couples, we discovered that on average it takes about three months to make a full emotional recovery,” said James Yun, a conductor of the study, Deborah, you cold-hearted cow. Yun adds that while the majority of participants recovered eventually – you hearing this, Debbie? Are you listening? – some are still healing well past the three-month mark, you soulless shrew. At press time, Yun announced an upcoming project studying the physiological effects of having your lover rip your goddamn heart of your chest.