WESTWOOD — First-year Jacques Mehoff has been struggling with non-coital emissions during recent group movie nights watching films he personally picked out. “Did you know all of the “Legally Blonde” Harvard scenes were actually filmed at Kerckh-EUGHH,” said Mehoff, who recently discovered the male G-spot after learning about Christopher Nolan’s “Oppenheimer.” “And “The Graduate,” and “The Godfather,” and “Buffy the Vampire Slay-UAAGHHH. Does anyone have a wet wipe?” At press time, Mehoff was reportedly experiencing ego death after passing a film trailer parked on campus.