Student Hits Snooze On All 5 Aspirationally Early Alarms

WESTWOOD — This morning, after sleeping through all five of their alarms, third-year Neuroscience major Terry Sleepyhead finally got up at noon for their aspirational 8 a.m. class. “My strategy was so effective that it made my roommate move out because they were ‘too sleep deprived’,” Sleepyhead yawned. “My goal this quarter is to get zero hours of deep sleep; I’m pretty sure one of my professors said REM is bad for you.” At the time of publication, Sleepyhead dropped their 8 a.m. class in favor of laying in bed on their phone for two hours every morning.