Student Body Breathes Collective Sigh Of Relief As Last Bruins United Campaigner Leaves Bruin Walk

WESTWOOD—Thirty thousand undergraduates at UCLA suddenly exhaled deeply, releasing a week’s worth of tension, yesterday at 3:10 p.m. when the last remaining campaigner for Bruins United, Brian Scholl, left Bruin Walk and headed home.

“Ahh,” said Adrienne Tran, her muscles relaxing as Scholl passed the Wooden Center on his way back to the Hill. “I feel so… calm. All is well.”

“Ahh,” said David Banks, suddenly overcome with a deep sense of inner peace as Scholl tossed thirty unused Bruins United fliers into a recycling can. “I think I’ll take Bruin Walk on my way to class on Monday.”

Many other students reported similar inexplicable mood changes at roughly the same time as Scholl’s departure. Common trends include a returning sense of security, reduced aversion to the Bruin Walk and Bruin Plaza areas, and general lightheartedness.

Since 3:10 p.m., there have been zero documented utterances of “Hi! Have you voted yet?” or high-fives anywhere on campus. Experts have suggested that the school-wide wave of relief may be related to the lack of activity from Bruins United, but whether this theory is supported by sufficient evidence is still being debated within the community.

“Lately everyone at UCLA seems much happier,” said Scholl. “I think it’s because of hard work Bruins United has put in this past week. That just goes to show that we truly are the party of positivity. I’m proud and humbled to be a part of it all.”

At press time, students were seen walking around campus without being stopped or heckled at all.

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