Struggling Club On Bruinwalk Starting To Sympathize With Homophobic Preacher

Really, nobody?

WESTWOOD–After only selling three potato balls in one hour, an unnamed club offering Porto’s baked goods on Bruinwalk has begun to sympathize with the homophobe preaching the second coming of Jesus only a few hundred feet away. “Standing in the blazing sun, harassing people to be attentive to your cause–it’s hard stuff, man,” club president Karen Skidmore said. “The persistence with which that Bible-hugger preaches the anti-gay agenda despite constant rejection is really respectable.” The club’s Marketing Director Monty Montgomery expressed similar admiration for the ecclesiast’s endurance. “You look at his work ethic and you start to reconsider your efforts, or lack thereof. If we can’t be half as unyielding about three-dollar pastries as he is about lesbian sins, then we aren’t doing enough.” At press time the club was seen experimenting with more aggressive publicity tactics, such as intercepting people walking toward the bike path.