WESTWOOD— Joe Biden was spotted just after 1 a.m. Saturday morning at the Westwood Fat Sal’s, having wined and dined the day away with the area’s richest and white-guiltiest coastal elites. “These donors, they wanna talk about the city council, about the midterms. They wanna know if I would consider doing more uppers before my public appearances,” said Biden, chugging a Natty Light and asking a group of first-years if they vape. “But all I really wanna know is if the Fat Falafel is gonna give me the shits, ya know what I’m saying?” Biden was reported to have drunkenly fled his Secret Service detail moments later, laughing gleefully and reaching the corner of Weyburn before stopping to catch his breath.
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Melissa is proudly allergic to Nutella (will throw up).