WESTWOOD–In an attempt to retain what few members it has left, the shittiest club on campus has promised tee shirts to all of its remaining members. “I can’t say for certain that they’ll be cool shirts, but we can definitely order some! Why do you ask—are you interested in joining the club? We can give you a shirt too, if you do!” said the president of the club, Bryan Eggard, who has reportedly been trying to revive the fading club for the past year. “The three of us who are still in the club invited all of our friends to the last event, but I was still the only one who showed up. I’m really relying on these T-shirts to boost our morale. My goal is for the other two members to stick around, but if I can get another few people to join the crew…well, then I’ll have doubled the size of the club! I’d sure like to be able to put that on my resume.” At press time, Eggard was found promising free Diddy Riese to anyone who showed up to the next meeting.