WESTWOOD – Released earlier today by the UCLA History Department, journal entries written by Saddam Hussein prior to his death reveal that the Iraqi dictator and war criminal originally planned on hiding from US soldiers in a Hedrick Hall triple before ultimately opting for a “more comfortable and spacious” spider hole. “This place is trash as hell – my legs are cramping because there’s no room to stretch – Plus, a 17-year-old from the Bay Area took the top bunk even though I called dibs,” wrote Hussein in a flowery, cursive handwriting that complements the pink-and-purple color scheme of his butterfly-patterned journal. “I wouldn’t wish this place upon my worst enemy – and I’m literally responsible for the deaths of hundreds of thousands of people!” At press time, historians were struggling to access the remainder of the “Butcher of Baghdad’s” journal after accidentally fastening its dainty gold lock shut.
