Rotting Mound Of Marine Life Newest SeaWorld Attraction

Graphic by Isaiah Little

SAN DIEGO — SeaWorld sparked nationwide buzz last Friday after announcing that they would be unveiling a massive, festering mound of sea creatures choking on bits of plastic as the park’s latest attraction. “Our top priority is to recreate the quality of life that our animals would’ve had in the wild,” explained park manager Scott Limbaugh while raising his voice to be heard over the tortured screams of slowly dying animals. “Our marine life is already being doused with pesticides and has a steady flow of waste from storm drains at all hours. We feel that the mound will be a great way to really tie everything together and bring that spectacular feeling of authenticity to the park.” SeaWorld has dozens of new species slated for relocation to the mound by the end of the year and will also be introducing an interactive exhibit where children can dunk seabirds into barrels of unrefined crude oil.