WESTWOOD — A new study from UCLA’s Student Anxiety and Depression (SAD) laboratory recommends to never trust anything you think about your life from 12:00 a.m. to 11:59 p.m. “At first, we followed the age-old 9 p.m. to bedtime cut-off rule. But after we SAD researchers and our subjects alike recalled violently remembering every irreversible problem they had in life after waking up every morning, we had to extend it to the whole day,” reported Dr. Sadie Weary while scouring her medicine cabinet for just the right pills. “We strongly encourage anyone affected by this study to self-lobotomize by sleeping for 12 to 20+ hours per night. Works great for me!” At press time, Dr Weary was staring slack-jawed at the wall.