Report: Milk Bad For Sure Now

The half-gallon jug with milk that was bad for sure now.

WESTWOOD — Tentatively sniffing the half-gallon jug, fourth-year English major Jenny Wong concluded that the milk was bad for sure now. “It tasted kinda off a few days ago, but I made do with it because it’s Amy’s turn to go grocery shopping and apparently she’s been studying for her midterm next week,” said Wong, peering into the layers of viscous yellow substance, translucent water and numerous white, crumbly bits. “I don’t think I should drink any more though. Daisy [dog] barked at it this morning.” At press time, Wong casually placed the jug outside Amy’s room.