Report: Facebook Event Invitations Don’t Mean Shit

WESTWOOD — Shocked to have seen literally everyone at Josh’s “exclusive” birthday party, second year biology major Sabrina Crocker has concluded that Facebook event invitations don’t mean shit. “The dude literally invited one hundred other girls. I was dumb to assume Josh’s invite meant he was feeling me, but also, fuck Josh,” said Crocker, adding that it’s not just “dudes” who do this, as the issue extends more broadly to the “desperate” UCLA clubs that rely on sending Facebook invitations to increase the popularity of their organization. “It’s true, these clubs don’t care about me or my interests. I mean, my brother graduated three years ago and he still gets invited to Circle K’s 85 Degrees sale on Bruin Walk.” Frustrated, Crocker warned that when it comes to Facebook event notifications, “it’s best to just mark them all as read.”