Report: Dishes Still There

WESTWOOD — According to a recent scientific study published by your roommates, findings verified that your dishes are still there. “After observing empirical data and having it revised by peers knowledgeable in the field, those dishes are definitely yours,” analysis concluded, with no mention that your roommates probably spent more time writing the formal report than they would have spent just cleaning the single dish left in the sink. “Perhaps the most integral observation made during the study was that the plate you used for your peanut butter and jelly sandwich is the same one that still hasn’t been cleaned and put away,” continued the report, “and that’s just how the scientific process works.” At press time, you were looking for new roommates.

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