Report: 70% Of LA Drivers Now Driving Poorly Out Of Spite

11021353_965987696747486_2655136681403220789_oLOS ANGELES—A recent survey conducted by the Los Angeles County department of transportation found that as many as 70% of Los Angeles drivers who admitted to cutting people off, swerving in and out of lanes without signaling, and spending an excess amount of time before accelerating into a green light had done so out of spite. A further 10% suggested they did so “because fuck you, that’s why”. The numbers represent the highest occurrence of spite-driving in recent history.

“If I’m going to be late, then all these assholes behind me are too,” said 26-year-old Allison Hardwick, who commutes from her home in Thousand Oaks to her job in downtown Los Angeles every weekday. “I don’t care if I’ve got two cars behind me or twenty. I’m going to take my sweet-ass time coming into this intersection. That’ll show these fuckers.”

Hardwick is just one of many commuters fond of the practice of “faux-signaling”, in which she repeatedly signals for a left turn, before signalling for a right turn and finally going straight. As with many spite drivers, she is not alone in her practice.

“In all honesty, I don’t give a damn who these people are or where they have to be. I’m going to cut off the first son of a bitch who tries to enter this lane,” Said Alec Masters, who was several cars behind Hardwick at the time of his comments. “They probably deserve it anyways, stupid freaks. Shit, why is this asshole taking so long to turn?”

Experts have noted that spite driving may be directed towards occupants of a driver’s own vehicle as well.

“Any time I’m driving my friends somewhere, they always complain about the way I drive,” said 20-year-old Shane Daniels. “I turn around to look at them, and I say: ‘you think I’m a bad driver? I’ll show you what bad driving looks like.’”

Concern over the issue has led the Department of Transportation to unveil a series of ads aiming to curb spite-driving, emphasizing the fact that a collective 14,000 minutes are wasted every day searching for two adjacent parking spots to occupy. Another reads: “really, come on now dude. You’re better than that.” The response thus far has been negative.

About Luke Moran 70 Articles
Dank, fam