“People Take Notes On This?” Asks North Campus Student Who Only Uses iPad For Porn

WESTWOOD — As iPads become the note-taking tool of choice for STEM majors, humanities students are not so quick to jump on the bandwagon — unless it is for videos of people getting their freak on. “I threw away that dumb fucking pencil so quick,” said fourth-year political science major John E. Sinns, who prefers watching X-rated videos on full blast in lecture halls due to the acoustics. “You wouldn’t catch me dead taking notes on it, but goddammit, this machine is a feat of porn-watching. The resolution and frame rate on this thing will really make your 9 a.m. lecture fly by. And the speakers? C’mon!” Sinns was seen slack-jawed in his stats lecture at press time, wearing an Apple Vision Pro.

About Milo Ellison 15 Articles
Hobby satirist turned published comedy extraordinaire.