Opinion: The Anderson School Of Management Should Be Burned Down

WESTWOOD Last week, I got lost in the Anderson School of Management. It wasn’t my fault! Each building is numbered. And lettered. And it has a name. You’ll never know if you’re going to be sent to Building 6, or Building F, or Cornell Hall, and nothing’s goddamned labeled. I eventually made it out, but I had to ask a BUSINESS student for directions, and talking to a creature like that in its home territory was the most humiliating experience of my life. That’s why I’d like to propose that we, as a student body, get rid of the Anderson School once and for all.

I think the truth here is obvious, people. No one designs a piece of shit complex like this unless they WANT it to be confusing. It’s not like anyone knows what goes on in that dark and gloomy prison — and that’s what they’re hoping for! We all know that “management” isn’t a real major. Sounds like a front for the mob to me!

Before the haters come for me, let’s get two things straight. One, I’m not suggesting that we burn down this hellhole just because I didn’t get into it. And, two, yes, my ex-boyfriend Trent DOES go there, but that has nothing to do with why I think Anderson would be better off nuked.

Maybe, if we destroy Anderson, we can put something of real value in its place. I’m not normally one to promote arson, obviously, but these are special circumstances. And, really, is it truly a crime to burn something down that never should have been built in the first place?

About Gillian Smith 50 Articles
Flavius Octavius Julius Gaius Septimius, known colloquially as "Gillian the Great," is the 71st emperor of Rome. Her notable achievements include winning the 2021 Maryland BOGGLE state championship and not being assassinated yet.