Op-Ed: Weed Is Life

Weed is life, bro. Like, I don’t mean like it is like, literally life, but it sustains me. Every day I’m out on the porch ripping bong and it’s basically, like, my life. I mean, it’s a new form of consciousness. Like, do you ever think there are two versions of us, like a version of us that smoked weed and a version of us that never did, and you’re the version that did but you still remember that dude who didn’t and wonder what kind of a sad, meaningless life he’s living in some dark alternate timeline? Me too, bro, me too.

But yeah, I mean there’s like infinite universes. Do you watch Rick and Morty bro? I love that shit bro, especially when I’m high. It’s fucking good shit bro, good shit. Like, the microverses, me and my buddy Josh – wait, do you know Josh? That dude can rip hash like a fucking beast, man. And his friend Simon deals so we get baked all the time. I like baking too, especially edibles. Weed is life, bro. That’s just a fact. I mean, sometimes I think that maybe I smoke too much especially when I’m having a brownie before my 9 AM and then smoking my pipe between classes but like, bro, that’s just how I roll.

I roll a mean blunt, by the way. Like my blunts are tight and loaded. Not too wet though. I fucking hate it when it gets super wet. Like, learn to fucking roll, man, learn to roll. Can’t believe people don’t know how to roll; it’s fucking 2017. I feel bad for posers and normies who don’t smoke weed. Like, what do they do with the rest of that time? Jerk off? Be useful, contributing members of the prison of conformity we call society? Fuck that shit, bro.