Op-Ed: Bruins United Probably Still Going To Win Everything

Well, uh, there was an incident. I mean, it was a thing that happened. With Bruins United. Maybe. It’s really hard to say if there was an occurrence of an event that might have transpired. Anyway, just when I thought I was out, they, I mean, well, not anyone in particular, because, well, why would there be anyone in particular? Anyway, just when I thought I was out they pulled me back in. For no… you know, no particular reason.

Am I sweating? No, I’m just perspiring. Also, I’m back! Did you miss my uh, well, did you miss my statistical insights and political know how? I sure did, and after the last election, boy, well, I decided to take a vacation. But I’m back and it’s because, well, uh, you know, a certain happening happened and that’s you know, regrettable. Or it’s not. I can’t really say. What I can say, is, however, based on statistical methods and a treasure trove of polling data is that, uh, Bruins United is probably going to win everything. And well, you know, that’s okay. Or not. Whatever you want it to be. I don’t make judgments. I’m strictly about the numbers.

Anyway, in regards to that certain event that may or may not have transpired over the weekend, well, uh, I guess, you know, that probably won’t have much of an effect on the outcome of an election that will likely see low voter turnout and uh, you know, establishment tactics. Yeah, and, you know, regardless, well… statistically speaking, if an event of an unsettling and racially charged nature that may or may not have happened, well, you know, statistics don’t lie.

Is that the time? According to my data, it’s time for me to go. Nowhere in particular, though. And only because I want to. Haha. Yeah.