NFL Plans To Quarantine COVID Positive Players In Team Facilities

NEW YORK — In a statement on Monday, National Football League Commissioner Roger Goodell announced new COVID-19 protocols in the aftermath of increased coronavirus cases league-wide, including a plan to quarantine all future positive cases in their respective team facilities. “We know that all our fans will be disappointed by this turn of events, but it is only out of an abundance of caution that we restrict the spread of the virus in the league by keeping COVID-positive players in their team meetings, weight rooms, and practice fields,” said Goodell, who recently praised the Baltimore Ravens for their unprompted and early implementation of this strategy, which limited positive cases to only half their roster. “These same compromised players will be granted a strict three hours of recreation time every Sunday on a patch of grass 100 yards long. Their teammates and coaches will be able to join them but only by abiding by the new social distancing guidelines: they will be forced to watch from the sideline.” At press time, Roger Goodell tested positive for Coronavirus.

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Arman Abrishamchian is the human equivalent of "if the sun is so hot, why is space cold?" That was rhetorical, nerd. I prefer ignorance.