LOS ANGELES — County health authorities announced last night that Los Angeles will be moving to the magenta tier, closing all nonessential businesses, services and rooms in private homes after 10:00 p.m. “This pandemic is serious, and we will not stop it until we ban any form of human connection,” said county health official Joan Moore, live streaming from an underground bunker. “Roommates and families have been recklessly gathering in their living rooms for too long. If you really need to talk to someone in your home, you can email them.” Moore assured reporters that LAPD officers will be deployed in every home to ensure adherence to these new guidelines.
About Jade Lacy 46 Articles
Jade is an enigma, the shadow at the edge of your vision, the personification of night, and a fourth-year English major and Asian American Studies Minor. She enjoys creeping into your nightmares and creative writing.