National Bestfriend Day Cancelled, She Knows What She Did


WASHINGTON, D.C. — As the nation enters the peak of holiday season, Gabrielle Langli, Director of the Bureau of Celebration and National Holidays, has declared the cancellation of National Bestfriend day after a falling out with her own best friend Dr. Maybeth Knight. “She knows what she did, and she should be begging for my forgiveness,” said Langli, as she paced back and forth in her dimly lit office in the heart of Capitol Hill. “Six years down the drain! She was my maid of honor! If she thinks she can just do this to me and just get away with it, she’s wrong! No more best friends! None!” Assistant Directors of the B.C.N.H. are hoping that Knight’s apology fruit basket reaches Director Langli before the June 8th holiday.


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RIP Griffin Stout (1996-2023) Failed Comedy Writer and Pet Owner. RIP Bark Ruffalo (2007-2007)