SONORAN DESERT—Arizona Highway Patrol were awestruck this morning when they discovered the disintegrated remains of an Eastern desert coyote spread for nearly sixty feet and across three lanes of national freeway. At what has been calculated to be the center of the impact zone, officers have uncovered two ping pong ball-sized googly eyes and the shattered mass of a grand piano which had been valued at over twelve thousand dollars. Where either item could have come from is at this time too difficult to speculate. Military bases in the region have been contacted with regards to any tactical operations or offensive maneuvers that may have been underway in the vicinity. Army Intelligence has denied having any involvement in intercontinental anti-coyote ballistic piano-weaponry, yet current research and development figures do indeed seem to confirm expenditure in this burgeoning field, primarily by the military-industrial-complex corporation ACME. ❖
About Nathan Guzik 16 Articles
Nathan Guzik is a write-words-funny-fun-man who was born without a British accent and is constantly trying to make up for it. Co-founder of The Westwood Enabler, and head staff writer and editor. Check out more of his comedy at nathangeles.com, and follow his instagram @nathangeles for up-to-date comedy stylings.