“My Patronus Is A Lion” Says Woman Who Doesn’t Know Her Social Security Number

DOVER, NJ — Area woman Karen Schindler informed multiple people today that her patronus was a lion, despite being unable to recall her social security number when she filed for unemployment this morning. “I took that quiz on Pottermore and found out that my patronus is a lion. It also said that I’d be in Ravenclaw, which makes sense since I’m very intelligent and resourceful,” said Schindler, after the power company turned off her electricity because she forgot to pay the bill. Although her living situation is compromised, the twenty-eight year old has clearly made a series of children books one of her biggest priorities. “I just love Harry Potter so much; I probably watch at least one of the movies every month,” said Schindler, who hasn’t checked her bank account in weeks. At press time, Schindler, who doesn’t know how to cook, was seen measuring sugar to make homemade butterbeer.