Opinion: Midterm Exams This, Midterm Elections That, I Just Wanna Grill For Godsakes!

Every so often the two most mid (as the kids say) things alive, exams and elections, somehow line up in November. People start freaking out and brush up on their chemistry notes and ballot info sheets. Everyone’s talking about the future, and you know what I say to that?


Sure it’s important to study and vote, but fire up the grill! Who cares about cells and neurons, or student loan debt? Missing a chance to grill is the biggest problem of all! While you’re in line to vote or scouring for a study spot at Powell, I’ll be speeding to Home Depot for their sale on grills!

The only time I’m willing to hear anything about “donkeys” or “elephants” is if you have good ideas on how to smoke ‘em for a picnic! I’m just saying, we can achieve unity if everyone would march on down to the grill and put on an apron. There’s nothing that a charred tomato or juicy beef patty can’t do to lighten the mood.

You’ve spent your blood, sweat, and tears on studying? Well, my blood is barbeque sauce. It permeates every fiber of my being, as well as every inch of my plate. You don’t agree with me? How about you replace your pen ink with barbeque sauce, then you’ll understand!

People these days just don’t know how to enjoy a simple life. Perhaps if you put down the Scantron or the election booklet for an afternoon and picked up a spatula, the world would be a better place.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some patties to attend to.