WESTWOOD — Early Tuesday morning, suit jacket-clad business economics-major Greg Whitfield went a full two hours in his psychology class without stating his beliefs on the subject.
“I was disappointed to say the least,” stated Elizabeth Green, one of his 400 classmates.
“I woke up early for this class hoping I would be able to learn from Greg’s shrewd insight into the field of psychology, but all I got was my stupid professor, Dr. O’Neill.”
Due to constant inquiry, Whitfield issued the following statement in the discussion section of the class CCLE. “I would like to apologize to my classmates for not adding to the conversation in class today. It was selfish of me to keep my opinions to myself, considering how valuable they clearly are. For any of you who are starving for the knowledge you missed out on today, I would recommend listening to a few episodes of Joe Rogan’s podcast; it’s where I get most of my opinions.”
After following Whitfield’s instructions, UCLA’s average IQ went up by 5 full points, and the student body started six new Jiu Jitsu clubs.