UNDER THE SEA — Breaking 500 million years of evolution and tradition, Squillie Cephalopod will be making history by taking the stage at Conchshella Weekend 1 as bass player in their band. “It’s really an honor to be out here tonight,” choked Cephalopod as they untangled all eight tentacles from their guitar strings during sound check. “I grew up seeing all the other octopi being forced to play as mere drummers just because of their bodies, or as clarinetists because of that heathen Squidward Tentacles. All the little mollusks out there will know that they too can shred sea bass in front of the whole ocean!” At press time, Cephalopod was being inducted into the Rock and Shoal Hall of Fame.