Hands Touching Face Category Added To Pornhub

Graphic by Jay Varhula

LOS ANGELES — Due to the rapid spread of coronavirus, precautionary measures put in place to combat the virus have only highlighted the sensual nature of touching one’s own face. “Come on, we all do it sometimes. Being told not to only makes the act that much more naughty,” commented Mistress Manos, a pioneer in the field of pornography. “A lot of the best types of pornography have historically been demonized by the government. Consider the three I’s of porn: Incest, Interracial, and Interactivity. All once considered taboo, now widely celebrated. Hands Touching Face encapsulates Interactivity by inviting the viewer to touch their sweet vulnerable face with dangerous, rugged, unwashed hands. And their genitals, too, obviously.” Mistress Manos was later seen administering Purell onto her stepbrother Tanner with lubed fingers. The press didn’t know how to feel at first, but at press time, it definitely felt something.