LOS ANGELES—Google Maps introduced an update this week that allows drivers to opt for a route that avoids navigation through Wilshire Boulevard. “Originally, we tested a feature where the directions would say things like, ‘Hey, this won’t turn into a bus lane for another two miles, but you better start changing lanes now,’ or ‘You can’t cut across four lanes to make that first left turn after getting off the 405, so don’t even try it,’ but the truly baffling experience of driving in L.A. was too complex for our system to process,” stated Google Maps developer Marissa Ortega. Ortega also noted that the application would often malfunction and start yelling obscenities about out-of-state drivers during test runs. “Eventually, we realized that people in the real world don’t always choose the most straightforward route from A to B. Instead, they choose the one that keeps them away from the infrastructural hellscape of Wilshire Boulevard at all costs.” While Google agrees that this update is a good short-term solution, they are reportedly working on a more comprehensive update that will advise drivers to “just give up” if they attempt to drive anywhere between the hours of 5 a.m. – 9 a.m., 3 p.m. – 8 p.m., or during the 11 a.m. – 1 p.m. lunch rush.
