God Beginning To Wonder Whether Anything In Bible Actually Happened

BETHLEHEM — Following thousands of years of religious discourse, God admitted in an exclusive interview Monday that he has doubts about how accurately His holy ghost writer described all the details in the Bible. “I mean, I don’t even remember most of this stuff,” said the Lord while scrolling through a free PDF copy of the holy scriptures. “Like, what’s the deal with all the foreskins in the first half? And even on my wildest weekend I never turned into a flaming bush. I know it’s been a couple millennia, but I’m starting to think my writer took his free will a little too far with this one.” God, who first rose to fame by being God, is now on tour addressing public criticism of the Bible with His newest exposé: Aren’t You All Taking Me Just a Little Bit Too Seriously?