Generous Airline Passenger Offers Half Of Armrest In Exchange For Six Hours Of Touching

LAX — Move over, “Miracle on 34th Street,” today there was a miracle in the 34th row: airline passenger and local hero Walt Jones offered his seat neighbor up to half of their shared armrest in exchange for just six hours of skin-to-skin forearm contact. “Women can’t resist my one-two punch airplane seduction strategy,” said Jones, who began his search for love on long flights after SkyMall was discontinued. “First, I show her I’m a confident alpha by removing my shoes and socks. Next, I show off my generous side by allowing her a sizable portion of the armrest and treating her to a complimentary ginger ale. We then watch a movie together with the sound off, at which point she falls asleep on my shoulder and I cut off a piece of her hair with my nail clippers. For the rest of her life, she’ll remember it as the most thrilling six hours she’s ever had.” At press time, Jones could be seen at Jared Galleria buying an engagement ring for his flight back to Boston.