WESTWOOD — Following the historic rains and flood warnings in Los Angeles, it was reported late Sunday night that UCLA chancellor Gene Block has begun gathering two of each major and building an ark. “The end is nigh! Save yourselves while you still can,” screamed Block as he lashed together spare bunk bed ladders to form a raft. “Join me and we can make a new life on the seas. We will be the #1 public university on the ocean! Otherwise you’re doomed! You’re all doomed!” At press time, Block was still searching for two religion majors willing to join him on his journey.
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Having only recently gained sentience, Maya Chatrathi is working twice as hard to get up to speed. Please be patient with her through this adjustment period.