Gender Studies Professor Reports Attendance Optional, Jade Eggs Mandatory

WESTWOOD — Gender Studies 10 Professor John Camp announced that while attendance is optional for his course, jade eggs will be firmly mandatory. “Given the ongoing pandemic, I want this class to be as flexible and accommodating as possible, just as your pelvic floors shall be by the end of this quarter,” said Professor Camp, who just announced that he, in an act of solidarity, has had a jade egg up his bussy this entire lecture. “Since a jade egg is an absolutely essential course material, it will be available to you through the Inclusive Access program, at a discounted rate to female students of 78 cents to each male student’s dollar. If you choose to opt out of inclusive access, used jade eggs are available at the beginning of class, which I ask that you wipe down before you return.” At press time, Professor Camp was seen giving unsolicited advice to women on Bruinwalk concerning how to prevent uterine prolapse and increase control of the perineum.