WESTWOOD — This past week, a roving gang of musical theater students hell-bent on verbally, physically, and musically assaulting every non-Gleek within reach plagued UCLA’s campus. “I was walking home last night when I heard a rhythmic beat getting louder and louder. By the time I realized it was their snapping, it was too late,” said survivor Sheri Tan, covered in glitter and hairspray after her run-in with the gang. “They sashayed around me, singing about their little wallets and big dreams. They wouldn’t let me go until I told each of them they were gonna make it on Broadway.” In response to the attacks, UCPD recommends that targeted students throw a CD of the Hamilton soundtrack on the ground to distract the musical theater majors and quickly make their escape.
About Jade Lacy 6 Articles
Jade is an enigma, the shadow at the edge of your vision, the personification of night, and a first-year English major. She enjoys creeping into your nightmares and creative writing.