Food Truck Fortune Cookie Lists Exact Time, Location of Death

WESTWOOD — First-year engineering major Bob Virgyn was surprised last Thursday night after his fortune cookie revealed the exact time and location of his death. “I had just finished my meal and was treating myself to a fortune cookie when I felt a deep chill down my spine and saw the words ‘August 17, 2023, Chancellor’s Residence’ appear on the slip,” said Virgyn, while learning the Chinese word for “sacrifice” on the back of his fortune. “When I looked up, the food truck had disappeared, and a pentagram was burnt into the ground where it once was.” At press time, Virgyn was seen opening an invitation for Gene Block’s big 75th birthday bash.

About Gabe McNeill 21 Articles
Known primarily for his roles in the Watergate break-in and the breakup of The Beatles, Gabe McNeill was inspired to write for The Enabler after the Daily Bruin fired him.