Fire Alarm Forces Boelter Residents To Encounter Sunlight

WESTWOOD — Herds of STEM students, also known by their Latin name nerdicus uclai, were found in direct sunlight today after a fire in Boelter Hall forced them to evacuate their habitat. “That sphere of light in the sky is so bright — do you think it’s OLED or LCD?” asked fourth year computer science major Ignatius Sampson while peeling sunburned skin from his nose. “I fear it’s far too arid above ground. I require 98% humidity, dark hallways, and elevators that lead to nowhere for maximum performance. My old biome was perfect. Does this soft green stuff on the ground even have an outlet?” At press time, Sampson was grunting to the rest of his colony in Python about the trauma of abandoning his session.