Empty Conditioner Bottle Goes Another Week on Shower Shelf

A thin layer of mildew is starting to grow around the bottle’s cap.

WESTWOOD—After being grabbed, shaken, and put back for the twelfth consecutive shower, an empty bottle of Pantene conditioner has managed to last another week on the shower shelf. “It’s the same routine every night. Someone’ll reach for me, slap me against their palm, and try to squeeze out a drop. I just don’t understand how they continue to get so surprised and disappointed each time nothing comes out.” The bottle explains how not one of the three roommates sharing the single bathroom apartment has taken the initiative to dispose of or replace her. “They’ve even brought in two more shampoos since I’ve been here, but not one conditioner!” At press time, the bottle was heard welcoming a dirty band-aid that recently settled in on the soap ledge below her.