Donald Trump Permanently Banned From Pornhub Premium

Graphic by Gillian Smith

MONTREAL – More than two weeks after the removal of former President Donald Trump’s accounts from several social media and streaming platforms, Pornhub has announced a permanent ban of Trump’s Premium membership as a result of his involvement in the Jan. 6 storming of the Capitol. “Pornhub is dedicated to serving the American people, and while we might sometimes turn a blind eye to trafficking, we are determined to sort of stand up for what is right,” said Pornhub spokeswoman Brandiiii Moore as she deleted comments like “stop the steal” and “Sleepy Joe finishes first” from the former president’s account. “Honestly, the president just used his profile to search up ‘big boobies hentai peepee’ anyway.” Trump expressed fury over the ban, calling Pornhub’s actions “a blatant First Amendment violation” and hinting that he may create his own porn platform for his followers where he will upload original content with his wife and daughter.