WESTWOOD — The UCLA Office of Equity, Diversity, and Inclusion’s recent review on gender disparities in STEM reached the conclusion that the women in STEM are just as soulless as the men. “After only one Girls Who Code summer program, I knew I had found a sisterhood of technologically skilled and empathy-devoid ladies to enter the male-dominated defense industry with!” said fourth-year computer science major Lara Collins, who plans to shatter the glass ceiling and any civilians beneath it. “We scientific gals have got to stick together to prove that not all women place value on frivolous things like arts, culture, and ethics. My abysmally low EQ does not define me, nor does it hold me back from programming lethal weapons with my girlies by my side.” At press time, Collins had made “herstory” at her internship by uplifting and empowering the female shareholders of Lockheed Martin.